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What Did I Get from the Life and Death of My Loved One?

Bob Baugher, Ph.D.

Someone you love has died. It matters not whether it was today or years ago. On that day at that time your life changed forever. You see the world differently now. You are different. The question I have for you is in the title of this article. Please understand, I am not saying that the death was a good thing or that it was “supposed” to happen or that you should be thankful that you have somehow “grown” from the experience. In this article I want you to take a few minutes to reflect on the life of this beloved person and focus on lessons emerged from their life and their death. We’ll do it with a series of questions. Are you ready?

1. Think back on this person’s life. In what ways did he live his life that affects you today?

2. What personality characteristics do you share with this person?

3. How has this person inspired you to live your life?

4. If this person could come back alive for 30 seconds, what would you say to him?

5. Where is this person now? Where do you place him?

6. If you could change the way this person died, how would you do it?

7. What have you learned about the way you grieved this person’s death?

8. What has been most difficult in watching how other people grieved this person’s death?

9. What has surprised you about the way you grieved this person’s death?

10. What guilt issues remain regarding this person?

11. What do you hope most people never forget about this person?

If you haven’t already, please go back through the questions and write out your answers. Your loved one lived a life. What did you get from it?

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